I've come to the Tranny Bar this evening to let off a little steam. I just came back from salsa dancing.... And I kid you not. I sat for an hour and 15 minutes, and not one man asked me to dance. Not. One.
When I first started dancing earlier this year, heck, I didn't care about asking guys because I was just excited and ready to try with whoever. But it's been almost six months now, and that's gotten old. Why do dudes not want to dance with me? I paid $10 tonight to sit somewhere for an hour, watch other people have fun, and then leave feeling like the biggest loser ever. I paid $10 to feel like a loser.
Right now, I feel as if this is a metaphor for my life when it comes to men. In any interaction I have with a guy (under the age of 35), I am the one initiating the meeting, and it usually doesn't even end up well, because it's always completely one-sided. Why don't they talk to me? Why do they hate me? I just don't understand. I want to start walking up to guys and just saying, "hey, can I ask you a question? Why do you hate me? Seriously, just tell me, I can take it." They (men under the age of 35) all do.
I feel like Faye in Jupiter Jazz when she was talking to Gren. Remember when she was saying how she wanted REAL lonliness? Being around guys and having expectations for them to possibly, I dunno, ASK ME TO DANCE, or ask for my number, or ask me on a date, yet they never do... It totally sucks. I hate walking around with the expectation, even if its small, for someone to approach me in any capacity. I try to tell myself not to care and not to expect something, but there is this small part of me that always wants to hope. You know, I'm looking forward to my apartment in-between my rice paddy and random mountain in the middle of nowhere in Japan. Because that, at least, will be TRUE GENUINE loneliness and I won't expect an effing thing from anyone. At least then I'll truly have an excuse for being alone and without male companionship.
Disclaimer: This post is kind of melodramatic, and I may feel completely different in a few days when I'm NOT PMS'ing.
Morning after...
ReplyDeleteI still stand by this post. Although, and I didn't say this last night, I was also thinking to myself, "AND I'LL NEVER DANCE AGAIN!!" lol!! That part I feel differently about. I knew I would, which is why I didn't even say it in the post.
*shakes head* I wish I could offer you some sage advice but I'm just as confused by men these days as you are. Maybe you were putting out a PMS vibe without realising it.... lol! Or maybe the bar was just filled with pansies that night. At least you're putting yourself out there though.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of being a hermit actually. Hang some pots and pans on some clothes lines to alert you of intruders. Never have to shave or pluck or wax anything again.
ReplyDeleteI like the pots and pans idea! Can I let my hair grow all bushy, long and wild too? With leaves and squirrel droppings in it? And can I have a snaggle tooth, spit chewing tobacco in a can I carry around and say things like, "ya'll get on outta here!!!!" while angrily banging a wooden spoon on an iron pan when those pesky kids from town try to catch a peek at me???
ReplyDeleteThis could be awesome...
LOL!!!! I love it! That's perfect!
ReplyDeleteWell, add an insane collection of mildly-smutty mangas and good romance novels. NOW it's perfect. lol!!
ReplyDeleteAnd life sized cardboard cut-outs of all our favorite hotties.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh yes. Just when I didn't think it could get any better. You really know how to make an old lady's heart smile.
ReplyDelete